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I think she tried as best she could to love me but now as an adult and a mother hearing this from her I finally understood that she felt trapped by being forced into a pregnancy she clearly didn’t want and it must have been so hard for her to feel maternal towards me. My dad on the other hand must have felt he needed to be all things to me and he succeeded. Times were different 51 years ago and she definitely didn’t consider what he did as “Rape” but I think she did feel it was very wrong and a betrayal so it also caused some issues in their marriage. We did grow a bit closer as I grew up and moved out but we were never extremely close. 


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